Category: dignity

DEGRADATION & Deterioraion…

Posted on by delphinemusic in aggitated, angry, anguish, anniversary, anxiety, ASD, aspie, autistic, Autistic Burnout, badthings, blackouts, catheter, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, Chronic Paraesthesia, concerned, confused, CPTSD, crushingfeels, despairing, devestated, dignity, disability, disassociation, disaster, dismal, distressed, disturbed, dragondisappointment, drained, drowningfeels, exhaustion, fatigue, Fibromyalgia, grief, Hair, hair dye, Hair Washing, healthcare, helplessness, Illness & Depression, inhell, Mental Health, mentalhealth, miserable, overwhelmed, pain, PTSD, ptsd, Resentment, sad, scared, selfawareness, sensoryoverload, Stamina & Energy, stress, stressed, suprapubic catheter, trauma, trauma

I feel like I Am Drowning... Suffocating... In Claustrophobic PANIC. Panic Attacks of fear, panic itself, shock, grief... It's been TEN YEARS since this first started... and in those Ten Years I have lost the ability to control Just About Everything that's in my body and my life.# I've lost my body. I have lost my voice. I have lost the ability … Continue reading DEGRADATION & Deterioraion… →

Dysphagia… DISTRESSING

Posted on by delphinemusic in Agony, angry, anguish, anxiety, autistic, badthings, badweather, chaos, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, Chronic Paraesthesia, concerned, confused, CPTSD, despairing, devestated, dignity, disability, drained, exhaustion, fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Fibroplegia, food, food, frustration, helplessness, Illness & Depression, infection, Mental Health, overwhelmed, PTSD, ptsd, scared, stress, stressed, trauma, trauma, Treatments, Weather/Isobars

Dysphagia is getting worse - finding it hard to Swallow At All... Swallowing meds, even the small ones, with the Pudding is currently Very Difficult... Like when you have a really bad sore throat and even ice cream is hard to manage -- it's almost That Bad right now.

Where Do We Go From Here…?

Posted on by delphinemusic in aggitated, Alexithymia, anxiety, ASD, autistic, Autistic Burnout, blackouts, catheter, chaos, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, COVID 19 CoronaVirus, CPTSD, despairing, devestated, dignity, disability, disassociation, dismal, distressed, disturbed, drained, drowningfeels, Eating Disorders, exasperation, exhaustion, fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Fibroplegia, food, food, frustration, furious, grief, healthcare, helplessness, hypervigilance, Illness & Depression, imprisonedfeels, independence, inhell, long COVID, Mental Health, mentalhealth, miserable, overwhelmed, Stamina & Energy, stress, suprapubic catheter, Weather/Isobars

I was just thinking a day or two ago how, like me, hundreds of thousands of lives were ticking along in some fashion... Then one Overwhelming Catastrophic Tsunami came crashing in on us Three and a Half Years Ago -- one called COVID. ...It either annihilated people and left them Dead. Or... It Annihilated People And Simply Left Them For Dead. Lives, hopes, health, plans, careers, aspirations... All Disintegrated right in front of their eyes - the ones left behind after a loved-one's Death, and those simply left behind alive. Barely. Pictures of a You that you no longer resemble become either contentious or grief-filled... First they're of "One month ago", then "one year ago"... And the time spans soon enough become longer and longer, in the captions under the pictures of the days where you once were A Person, before you became a Hollow Shell of Pain, Exhaustion, Despair, feeling Hopeless and Lifeless. This thing is Exhausting to have. The Utter Fatigue is.... INSANE.

Sore Throat & COVID Flashbacks

Posted on by delphinemusic in Alexithymia, anguish, anxiety, ASD, asd, Asperger, aspie, asthma, Autistic Burnout, badday, badthings, blackouts, catheter, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, Chronic Paraesthesia, concerned, COVID 19 CoronaVirus, CPTSD, despairing, dignity, disability, dismal, distressed, disturbed, dragondisappointment, drained, drowningfeels, exasperation, exhaustion, fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Fibroplegia, frustration, healthcare, helplessness, hospital, hypervigilance, Illness & Depression, memories, Mental Health, mentalhealth, miserable, mixedfeels, Stamina & Energy, stress, suprapubic catheter, Wheelchair & Mobility Accessories

Woke up with some pain in my throat - having screamed for Carlos Alcaraz yesterday whilst winning his Fourth Round Wimbledon Match, and when he won... It's amazing there is Anything left. On Top Of That I've had Raspy Fibro Voice and I am LITERALLY TOO EXHAUSTED to Breathe. Or Manage. Move. Think.... ANYTHING. MEGA … Continue reading Sore Throat & COVID Flashbacks →

Left To Fend Alone…Ish

Posted on by delphinemusic in angry, anguish, anxiety, chaos, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, Chronic Paraesthesia, concerned, confused, COVID 19 CoronaVirus, CPTSD, crushingfeels, devestated, dignity, disability, disassociation, dismal, distressed, dragondisappointment, drained, exasperation, exhaustion, Fibroplegia, frustration, healthcare, helplessness, hypervigilance, independence, miserable, mobility problems, uncomfortable

My Independence has been slowly eradicated... But the HEAT that's been going on of late these last few weeks has made everything EVEN WORSE than I already was - certainly Even Worse than I Ever Could Have Imagined. This means not having the extra things that Mam helps with now she is home & Retired from Work. Three Days On Our Own -- when we're really in No Fit State to be doing anything Alone. We're both Really Wrecked - the Heat has been Relentless; Isobars doing whatever the hell they've felt like the entire time. It's been monstrous and damaging... Destroying, in fact.  The Soul-Destroying Thing Is.... These are all things I Was Doing Myself This Time Last Year... But After Winter From Hell Last Year.... Fibromyalgia, "Fibroplegia", and Long COVID went Wackadoodle as a response, and left me with Absolutely Nothing. Nothing At All.

TOO HOT TO HANDLE… Being Chronically Ill

Posted on by delphinemusic in aggitated, anguish, anxiety, autistic, Autistic Burnout, badthings, blackouts, chaos, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, Chronic Paraesthesia, concerned, confused, CPTSD, crushingfeels, despairing, devestated, dignity, disability, dismal, distressed, drained, drowningfeels, exasperation, exhaustion, fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Fibroplegia, frustration, grief, healthcare, helplessness, hypervigilance, Illness & Depression, imprisonedfeels, independence, inhell, Isobars / Air-Pressure, Mental Health, mentalhealth, miserable, overwhelmed, ptsd, sensoryoverload, Stamina & Energy, stress, stressed, trauma, trauma, uncertainty, uncomfortable, upset, vibratingscared, waitingfordoom, weather, Weather/Isobars

The Heat Is Relentless... Torturous...  AGONISING. And it just doesn't make things Harder To Do... They Make Most Things Now Utterly Absolutely IMPOSSIBLE. Autistic, with Fibromyalgia & Paresthesia, I am completely Agitated and Frightened by the Heat and This Very Fact. I Am Overwhelmed. It's FAR Too Hot. And with MAJOR TMI & Sensory Overload... I am TOO Overtired & Hyper-Stimulated by FEELS … Continue reading TOO HOT TO HANDLE… Being Chronically Ill →

SEPSIS Poster Outlining Symptoms of SEPSIS from The UK Sepsis Trust

So, Apparently A&E Can’t Tell That Someone Who’s Screaming In Pain & Vomiting Continuously… IS. SERIOUSLY. ILL.

Posted on by delphinemusic in Agony, angry, anguish, anxiety, ASD, autistic, badthings, chaos, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, concerned, confused, CPTSD, crushingfeels, despairing, devestated, dignity, disability, disaster, distressed, disturbed, dragondisappointment, drained, drowningfeels, fatigue, Fibromyalgia, frustration, furious, healthcare, helplessness, hospital, Illness & Depression, imprisonedfeels, independence, infection, inhell, Mental Health, mentalhealth, miserable, nausea, overwhelmed, pain, PTSD, ptsd, sensoryoverload, sepsis, spasms, stress, stressed, suffocatingfeels, terrified, tmi, trauma, trauma, uncertainty, upset, vibratingscared, waitingfordoom

Hospital A&E COMPLETELY Ignored the Screaming Pain &; Continuous Vomiting from one Patient in the Waiting Room - A Vulnerable Adult, with Complex Medical Conditions, with Physical & Learning Disabilities, severe back and spine complications, and Mobility Problems. We were there because the GP had been concerned enough to allow a house-call. Said GP had been SO Concerned about The Patient, she immediately took One Look at them and said in No Uncertain Terms - You Need To Get To The Hospital!

Clues About Myself – I Don’t SEE Me(?!)

Posted on by delphinemusic in Alexithymia, ASD, autistic, Chronic Pain, Chronic Paraesthesia, confused, CPTSD, dignity, disability, disassociation, Fibromyalgia, Fibroplegia, healthcare, Hemiplegic Migraine, independence, Mental Health, PTSD, ptsd, selfawareness, selfcare, stress, trauma, trauma

I am doing something so Stupidly Mundane... But as I am doing it, it's bringing into focus something that's been a... Thing... for a Long Time for me -- but didn't actually clock-on that it WAS a Thing... Until Now. All I am doing is writing up the stupid "About You" section of a website. That's it. And that's making me realise I know Absolutely Jack Sh*t About Myself -- Subjectively, Objectively, Consciously, Subconsciously...