Tag: Depression

FREAKING FRACKING FINALLY… HAPPY. NEW. YEAR!!

Posted on by delphinemusic in anniversary, Ramblings

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Clues About Myself – I Don’t SEE Me(?!)

Posted on by delphinemusic in Alexithymia, ASD, autistic, Chronic Pain, Chronic Paraesthesia, confused, CPTSD, dignity, disability, disassociation, Fibromyalgia, Fibroplegia, healthcare, Hemiplegic Migraine, independence, Mental Health, PTSD, ptsd, selfawareness, selfcare, stress, trauma, trauma

I am doing something so Stupidly Mundane... But as I am doing it, it's bringing into focus something that's been a... Thing... for a Long Time for me -- but didn't actually clock-on that it WAS a Thing... Until Now. All I am doing is writing up the stupid "About You" section of a website. That's it. And that's making me realise I know Absolutely Jack Sh*t About Myself -- Subjectively, Objectively, Consciously, Subconsciously...

I WISH.com They Would Make It EASY!!

Posted on by delphinemusic in aggitated, Alexithymia, anxiety, ASD, Asperger, autistic, badday, badthings, badweather, blackouts, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, dismal, distressed, dragondisappointment, drowningfeels, exasperation, exhaustion, fatigue, feelsick, Fibromyalgia, frustration, Illness & Depression, pain, Ramblings

Their Returns System is Horribly Convoluted, Senseless, Difficult. I am MEGA Fatigued after gruelling WEEKS of BAD Fibro-FlareUp... I have PAIN, Brain / Fibro Fog & a Head full of Cotton Balls... I am actually Blacking Out from the Exhaustion & Pain I ALREADY HAVE... and NOW I have to... Manage. This. ....?? Fibromyalgia Cares NOT for Stupid & Ridiculous RETURNS Systems...!! And. YET.....

Black Heart Dying

Posted on by delphinemusic in aggitated, Alexithymia, angry, anguish, anxiety, autistic, badday, badthings, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, Chronic Paraesthesia, concerned, confused, CPTSD, crushingfeels, despairing, devestated, disability, disassociation, dismal, distressed, disturbed, dragondisappointment, drained, drowningfeels, exhaustion, fatigue, feelsick, Fibromyalgia, frustration, furious, grief, headache, helplessness, hypervigilance, Illness & Depression, imprisonedfeels, inhell, Isolation, lost, Mental Health, mentalhealth, miserable, numbness, overwhelmed, panic, PTSD, ptsd, Resentment, scared, sensoryoverload, Stamina & Energy, stress, stressed, suffocatingfeels, terrified, trauma, trauma, uncertainty, upset, vibratingscared, waitingfordoom

Screaming alone inside my head Grasping desperation till I'm dead Black fingers pouring threads of war From wounds that I can no longer ignore

WHAT Planets DO Doctors Live On?!

Posted on by delphinemusic in Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Fibroplegia, frustration, Illness & Depression, pain

… I had to actually Point Out [effectively To A DOCTOR, cos Doctor Requested It] that I couldn’t USE my shoulder. Meaning I COULD’T. USE. IT...… to Move or Wheel or Transfer. Which ALSO basically means. Leaving The House..…?….

On a Day Like Today… Or Any Other…

Posted on by delphinemusic in aggitated, Agony, Alexithymia, angry, anguish, anxiety, ASD, asd, autistic, bpd, catheter, chaos, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, Chronic Paraesthesia, concerned, confused, CPTSD, crushingfeels, despairing, devestated, dignity, disability, disassociation, dismal, distressed, districtnurses, disturbed, dragondisappointment, drained, drowningfeels, exasperation, exhaustion, fatigue, feelsick, Fibromyalgia, frustration, furious, headache, helplessness, Illness & Depression, independence, Stamina & Energy, suprapubic catheter

Fibromyalgia... Is a world where you’ve been making lots of plans on what you're Gona do today, tomorrow, next week.... THEN. You Move. (The Audacity!!) And probably Black out from the PAIN. With or without Screaming Sound-Effects; such is the Joy of Choice with Fibromyalgia...  (HA!... Not.)

HOW Do You Fit In Other Things When You’re Busy Being Ill…?

Posted on by delphinemusic in aggitated, Alexithymia, angry, anguish, ASD, asd, Asperger, aspie, autistic, badday, badthings, caredfor, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, concerned, confused, CPTSD, crushingfeels, despairing, devestated, dignity, disability, disaster, dismal, distressed, drowningfeels, exasperation, exhaustion, fatigue, Fibromyalgia, frustration, healthcare, helplessness, hypervigilance, Illness & Depression, imprisonedfeels, independence, inhell, irritated, lost, miserable, mobility problems, onedge, overwhelmed, ptsd, Resentment, selfawareness, selfcare, sensoryoverload, tmi, trauma, trauma, uncertainty, upset

Being Chronically Ill is, basically, not only having the Worst Paid Job EVER…But being stuck with it as — and as literally it gets — a life-long career, with Zero Ability of Getting Out…

Girl… Gone…

Posted on by delphinemusic in Alexithymia, anguish, anxiety, ASD, asd, Asperger, autistic, badthings, catheter, CFS/ME, chaos, chronic illness, Chronic Pain, concerned, confused, CPTSD, crushingfeels, despairing, devestated, dignity, disability, disassociation, dismal, distressed, disturbed, drained, drowningfeels, exasperation, exhaustion, fatigue, Fibromyalgia, frustration, furious, Gaming, grief, hypervigilance, Illness & Depression, imprisonedfeels, independence, Mental Health, mentalhealth, miserable, mixedfeels, numbness, outofhours, overwhelmed, pain, painsomnia, panic, personalinsights, PTSD, ptsd, Resentment, sad, scared, selfawareness, selfcare, sensoryoverload, stress, stressed, suffocatingfeels, techspecs, terrified, trauma, trauma, uncertainty, uncomfortable, upset

I Require Resilience... Self-Sufficiency... To Claim My Own Space -- both in my own head and to others -- yet I Cannot seem to manage that even a Little Bit anymore... I Was Born With It... And I literally don't know how to live -- even exist -- without it... And B.O.Y. Am I Without It Now...