Anniversary of Hell…

Tomorrow is the anniversary of when I first was taken into hospital... On the 28th January 2018, I was booked into the Premier Inn at Skelmersdale, to go to my niece's christening the next day. I ended up in hospital for six weeks instead...

Anxiety & Chaos — The Antithesis of the Aspie Mind…

Anxiety and Chaos rules my mind. It feels like it's been long buried under mountains of agonising pain, sorrow, grief. Fibro-Fog, medication, and more and more Chaos and Anxiety. I can feel my mind still there, calling, struggling to be freed, to be heard... yet, there seems to be so little I can do about digging it back out.

Freedom To Sense Senses

These have recently become my new best friends...         *      *     *      The reason: The ability to now have better peripheral orientation and physical awareness. Part of me hopes they might also help tone my arms and legs... but I couldn't care less if they don't. With these, I know where my … Continue reading Freedom To Sense Senses


Annie sang about "Tomorrow". Everyone talks about "Tomorrow". Everybody waits for "Tomorrow". It's "only a day away"... Right? But what if tomorrow never comes? And if you think is has, it's probably just an illusion. One that shatters really easily as soon as you let your guard down. When you're vulnerable to attack. I thought … Continue reading Wonderland

Keep Hope & Carry On

Suicide ideology must be quite common with people with chronic illness, maybe more so with chronic pain... I know I find I think about it much more now than before I started this... "journey". I've not thought about it this much since I was existing in desperately horrific times as a teenager. The only difference … Continue reading Keep Hope & Carry On


Fragmented… Scattered… Chaotic…   Hell.   It feels like the hard drive in my head has had its entire system wiped by a virus. Another nervous breakdown, another existence of knowing nothing. It’s like everything that was before is gone. I have no inclination anymore of how to be, how to live, how to do … Continue reading Lost

Being Ill Is My ID Card

It seems I've been nothing but ill my whole life. It has been there for as long as I can remember in some way. My first one was mental health - neurosis, severe anxiety, panic attacks, then severe depression and all the other things that came along with it. Along with those things, a bunch … Continue reading Being Ill Is My ID Card

Cold World, Cold Hearts

In these times where this government (or Satan's minions - take your pick) state that people need to "come off long-term sick" and "go back to work", I have found for myself that actually employers do not want people with long-term health issues on their employment list. In fact, I have just been "let go" … Continue reading Cold World, Cold Hearts