Can’t believe how HORRIBLY IMPOSSIBLE JUST the Isobars & Weather can make my entire existence. You wouldn’t even believe it, unless you had a severe chronic illness – then it’s more like a No-brainer.
Spent hours brushing out my hair
several days ago…
And I am still wrecked from that
Of course, now I’ve had it all brushed out “nicely”… There’s nothing left for washing or dying it.
…Who The Actual Freaking Hell Ever Knows IF I’ll Be Able To Do Either Of Those Things In Any Kind Of Foreseeable Future.
Trembling/Shaking has gone Haywire again. I can barely use my fingers, hands or arms for anything anymore. It rattles my Entire Body. It’s getting more and more Distressing, the more Fustrating being trapped like this becomes.
The Popping Candy-Tasering-Lightning- Buzzing Sensation/PAIN is now Overwhelmingly Unbearable.
Full-Body Twitches – even with the three-ish nerves still alive from below the sternum – are violent right now, and horribly random.
Too Exhausted to eat At All until Past 10pm… On Most Nights, not the odd one, or a one-off. Sometimes, it’s not even until pat Midnight and in the early hours of the morning.
Too too too Exhausted….. Minus 5000+ Spoons & counting. Dull, Drained, Sluggish & Almost can’t move at all.
No focus. JITTERY AS HELL. NO MYNADD*. No sleep… There’s ONLY Nightmares. [Mynadd = *Welsh for PATIENCE]
I’m having MAJOR BlackOuts… Very MAJOR BlackOuts… of late. Throughout All The Day — Every Day.
They’re Traumatic at worst and Distressing at best. They come all day, and are still going in the night — no rhyme or reason, no pattern or logic.
They often tend to have wiped themselves out by the Early Hours, though, meaning I don’t get rest after they’ve Ended by 1am — and I end up SUPER WIRED instead.
One of the reasons it it’s because of the horrendous Isobars Crazy. The Other Reasons Are Stress & Pain.
All This Makes The Most Basic Things Impossible. They make Other Things Almost Impossible. All of them feel SO NOT WORTH BOTHERING ABOUT – because the PAYMENT DUE on each induvial thing is FAR Too High To Pay… And there is no such thing as Klarna or ClearPay when it comes to Chronic Illness & Pain. There’s no Barclaycard credit, or Interest-Free Transfer Rate. You’re stuck with what you’ve got. And that’s Absolutely Nothing. Or Less.
“Shark Loan” Equivalents are the best you get. If you don’t do X then you might be able to do Y… Except X is a Shower and Y is going out to you hospital appointment. Then your Spoon Debt piles up in different ways, instead. You didn’t shower before, and you had JUST Enough Spoons to go out… but then you’ll need a hot shower to help you get over the Agonising Pain of Going Out — except you Can’t, because you already used up all your pittance of a “Loan” to get to the appointment itself.
Queue HUGELY Over-Doing It — Getting to the bathroom, undressing and into the Hot, Steamy Shower to get the Pain Down.
Then facing having to get dry and dressed afterwards, too. Oh, and drying your hair (if it’s long and impossible like mine, you get Zero Choice in This).
… And All This After you have already got up, got ready, and gone all the way to the hospital, around the hospital to where you had to be, then done the reverse all of that to make it home again.
By the time you’re out of the shower… Now. You. Are. UTTERLY. TOTALLY. ABSOLUTELY. SODDING. DONE.
For at least Three Days.
… HA! Yeh. If you’re Lucky.
It’s probably going to be a Lot More.
… And ALL you’re CAPABLE of doing after that is turning Oxygen into Carbon Monoxide. And maybe Twitter/X.
Imprisoned. Victimised. Dictated To. Ordered Around. Demeaned & Dehumanised.
Autonomy Removed. Self-Interest Removed. Self-Care Removed.
SURVIVAL is the only thing that’s left… and even that is in short supply.
Forget being able to get up, or walk around. Forget cooking, cleaning, chores. Forget any kind of work or hobbies. Get the dog a treadmill and hook it up to Alexa to make it work, and get an Alexa Coffee Machine to put on your bedside table, too.
Laugh hysterically for the 2 seconds you can keep it up at anyone who suggests some “fresh air” or “a better diet”.
….Unless someone is going to be pumping Pure O² into some prongs taped to your face and putting in IV Vitamins into a cannula in your arm – and/or possibly some nice posh Waitrose mush into an NG tube – there’s not a hope in hell of this being an option, or any kind of helpful, whatsoever.
Forget being able to eat; maybe you’re able to nibble on random things, though.
…But Just Maybe you can sleep — it won’t be nice or restful, though; Just a response to your body being capable of literally Nothing Else…
