Unable to eat, my Fibro FlareUp is SUPERNOVA… Enough that I keep Blacking Out from the PAIN…
AFTER A HORRIBLE, TORTUOUS NIGHT & MORNING OF PANIC ATTACKS….. I now find out the Lead on my charging box by bed has failed. The USB plus directly in the baby plug TOWER isn’t working. Can’t get at it cos Storage box and pillows have been dragged on top of it from looking in the box for changing Lolli stuff 😭😭😭 Can’t charge anything….!!!
ALSO — I am TOO TOO DONE — I can barely move or even breathe now. Literally 25 TOO FAR yesterday and now I literally can’t do ANYTHING without nearly passing out…
My hands can’t type properly. I have NO. ZERO. NADA. NOTHING. SPOONS, EFFORT, BREATH Anymore. I have been PUSHED WAY WAY WAY TOO FAR…
And now I can’t and won’t be doing much — can’t afford to, if I’m planning on NOT being like I was, way back when….
Five Months Of HELL So Far…
Torture. Blinding Agonies… Just Utterly Tortured. It’s all I can think of, if someone asks how I am feeling?
I can’t even drink my coffee… ME…!!!???!!!!!! And that REALLY IS Torture…!!!?!?!!!
Brain / Fibro Fog… as in, Deplorably Sluggish, Heavy… Frightful…
… Just Can’t Think – it’s like trying to push open something that’s actually just a brick wall with a door painted on… Looks Like You Should Have Access, Except… You’re Just Pushing Against A Wall.
There’s Deep, Intense Headaches… LONG Periods of ZoneOuts…. And MEGA BLACKOUTS….
Body feels like is made of thickest MARBLE and wading through a HEAVY Vats of Cold Porridge & Custard… It’s almost impossible to move, heavy, PAINFUL, AGONISING…
Breathing… Seems To Think Its Optional. Cement-Solid Rib Cage makes even the slightest movement AGONY – so Breathing is Utterly … Alternates between feeling like there’s a horse and an Elephant sitting on it, AND it’s been filled with acid…
… Alternating All That... with feeling like there is an ELECTRIFIED BOA CONSTRICTOR wrapped around me with GIANT HEDGEHOG SPIKES … IMPALED RIGHT IN ME LITERALLY EVERYWHERE Around My Chest…
Everywhere in my ENTIRE BEING, ALL the Cells really FEEL like they literally VIBRATE; it literally goes right through me… It’s like each Cell has its own TENS Machine, and each one is set to MEGA SUPERNOVA…
I HATE The fact my ENTIRE EXISTENCE has Narrowed Down into nothing…. BUT THIS…
And … Well. It’s got to be some REALLY BAD Shit if you can’t even plays SIMS through this — Nothing’s much easier to Play than SIMS 4…(!!)
The Weather has a LOT To Answer For… As Has The Last Five Months Of Hellish Stress, Physical Over-Exertion and Unbelievable Genuine Psychological Trauma.
And it’s all well and good to say to people suffering over-exhaustion to take it easy, to not over-exert themselves, to pace themselves… But Circumstance Itself couldn’t give a flying rat’s backside about such things. Circumstance does whatever the hell it wants.
Circumstance is something you have to live with, abide by, struggle through, Endure… It sure as hell doesn’t take it easy on you, or allow you a moment to even breathe, let alone pace yourself to manage to cope with any of it.
Or of the Magnitude of Concequences that come from the marathon and hurdles you’ve had to overcome in what feels like my very own Hell of Temple Run.
