Spoiler Alert:
WEATHER WINS. EVERY. tIMe.
March 2023 — And Storm Larissa has hit us over here [from France, apparently] like a sledgehammer to the head.
Fibromyalgia, Chronic illness, Chronic Pain… All Bring Agony & Paresthesia through my door, into my Body & Brain & Life Sudo Existence.
It all crashes down onto me… Drowning Me… Forcing My Entire Being into a Screaming Cacophony of Pure Agonising Pain that cannot be controlled by Medication alone… And, truly, THIS KIND of Pain… These LEVELS Of PAIN… really is Like No other.
The Weather… The Air Pressure & Isobar Levels… The Temperature… It ALL, without any doubt, UTTERLY DESTROYS Anyone with Chronic Illness and/or Chronic Pain. Especially Anything That Causes Chronic Pain…
Fibro Flare-Ups Go Through The Roof in Bad Weather. With Extremes of High or Low Air Pressure – anywhere Under about 1012mb & Above 1025mb WRECKS HAVOC inside me.
But the Absolute Worst Is Always — And Apparenrly Will Always Be — ROLLERCOASTER ISOBARS.
It’s got to have hit a New Level when the Isobars,
Air Pressure Units, can SHOOT Up… LEAP Up…
A STAGGERING 24mb in 24 Hours…. (?!!!??!)
I Honestly Do Not Know How To Compute This…
984mb yesterday; 1008mb now.
Bottom Line — The Truth Is As Simple As It Gets… It’s Just ASTRONOMICAL AGONY like No Other.
Fibro-Fog is More Like Paresthesia Pea-Soup… A Vacant state of Zoning-Out, of non-thinking, non-processing, with no state of conscious “being“…
I am currently in a state of Non-Functional Non-Being. Or as it’s Not-So-Fondly Known By Me: Zombification.
There’s IMMENSE Difficulty Moving – if not finding it Literally Impossible. It’s taken till after 3pm & Two Sets of Meds — Just To Be Able To Even Get Out Of Bed, Today…
… And That’s been most days of this current RollerCoaster Isobars Nightmare…
There’s IMMENSE Difficulty Breathing — not from Asthma (ha — if only… Can take Ventolin for that and it all works again….) but from Rock-Hard Spasms, all around my chest and back.
Eczema on my face has flared up Badly – even my hair can’t brush against it without the most ALMIGHTY PAIN to go with it… It’s seriously Overwhelmingly Awful and feels more like there’s been acid poured onto my face…
My Ears get filled and leak some… strange fluid; I’ve no idea what it is, precisely… But They Also Get Really SWOLLEN, and they Hurt A Lot.
My Eyes Burn, like they’re made out of sandpaper & leak acid tears… All whilst not being able to focus on anything and the world looks like it’s got a Haze Filter on it, which makes it all look a little like it’s been made from leaking water-colour paints.
My Spine and Back feels like there’s an electricity pylon running down the vertebrae, Electrocuting Liberally — All The Time… Causing Horrible Spasms through my back
My Entire Being Constantly Feels Like Its Been Hit By A Planet… Then Crashed Into By A Bullet Train… And Then Run Over By A Tank. With a Javelin Through The Skull For Good Measure.
…Where there is NOTHING but the Drained, Fatigue-Heavy Exhaustion.
The PAIN. Deep Aches.That Feeling where you know you MUST be made
of Lead-Infused Marble, so heavy you can’t move or be taken anywhere.
And there’s Razor-Sharp, Breathtaking, Lightening Strikes of
Random and Constant, INTENSE TENS-Machine Buzzing & Popping
Candy Sensations – racked up to about 1,000 above its Maximum
Capability – SCREAMING Through Your Entire System.
Where it feels like there is a Giant Boa-Constrictor wrapped MEGA
TIGHTLY around your chest, Impaling You with thousands of Electrified
Hedgehog Spikes, all Going Off At Once, and/or Randomly In Any Way
That It Pleases… At The Same Time.
All Forcing You to experience the WORSTExtensive, Agonising,
Debilitating Spasms.
ALL of it BEYOND UNBEARABLY UNBEARABLE.
Just wanted to play Mass Effect Legendary Today— But I never got the chance.
… And Tonight?…
TONIGHT… I was Blacking Out BADLY and Constantly until after Midnight.
And Blacking Out Is Just About The Worst Part. Could be a few minutes, could be over an hour. The worst one was just before I was hospitalised for Sepsis, and I was out for a Solid Five Hours. Last thing I’d remembered was going along the landing to the bathroom. It had just gone 7pm.
… I woke up to being on the bathroom floor. I was under the sink, next to the bath, swaddled in blankets and with something under my head. My Dad lying down next to me, looking after me, waiting for me to wake up, and my watch said it was 12:05am.
It’s one of the scariest things I’d experienced, right then (there’s been worse things since). He told me I couldn’t be woken up, that I was completely unresponsive, and they were just waiting for me to wake up – like they always did.
One minute could be doing anything innocuous or eve important. The Next Minute… you’re waking up, it’s 45 minutes later (if you’re lucky) and you’ve been unconscious the entire time.
…And You get told that at least one person has been trying to bring you round for ages, but you’ve been unresponsive.
It’s not the only thing By Far that it controls with A Cast-Iron Fist.
Severely Restricted or Entirely Removed/Devoid (this is not Exhaustive) —
- Breathing
- Spasms Through Body & Particularly Around Rib Cage
- Moving
- Getting Out Of Bed
- Leaving The Room — let alone the house
- Fingers Just Will Not Work
- Hands & Fingers Spasm into a “Claw” and can’t be Moved or Undone
- Lucidity
- Zoning Out
- Hazy, Exhausted, Delirium
- Hallucinations [waking; but leading to BlackOuts]
- Consciousness
- Constant BlackOuts – anywhere from a few mins to over an hour
- Awareness
- Focusing, Thinking & Concentrating
- Hyper-Focusing (vital for a Happy Autistic & ADHD Brain)
- Memory
- Eyesight
- Speaking & Voice
- Going To The Bathroom
- “Sleep” – this may or may not be some Urban Myth, but apparently it does exist?
- Eating & Which Foods Can Be Eaten
- Engaging in Verbal Conversation – In Person or on the phone
- Engaging in Messaging Conversations
- Skincare – incl. looking after Painful Eczema on face
- MakeUp
- Showering & Hair-Washing (even shower-cap hair washing)
- Full Bed-Baths, even with proper body wipes
- Hair Brushing
- Gaming
- Writing… Anything
- Reading… Anything
- Watching… Anything
- Listening to Music & Audiobooks
The Pain Warrior:
Forever Trapped
In A War That Just Never Ends
…In A Fight To The Death
It’s the eye of the tiger
It’s the thrill of the fight
Rising up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he’s watching us all
With the eye of the tiger
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