Turns out that… Food is absolutely 100% resposible to many of my BlackOuts. The reaction is almost immediate – and these BlackOuts probably the worst.
It’s overwheliming to know that, once again, food is directly involved in somthing wholly Negative. Detrimtal. As if it hsn’t been hard anough, Complicated emough, already….?
The whole Irony is that face I’ve spent neary 30 Years trying to convine myslf that Eating Food Is A Good Thing. The Right Thing.
So… HOW has that so suddenly been turned ON ITS HEAD??? Because now?? …. NOW food is Downright fucking DANGEROUS.
Dysphagia… Obviously Dangerous. I’ve coughed up high levels of water and coffee from my lungs, coughed up all kinds of food and snacks from my lungs. I’ve had Multips Chest Infections, some very SEVERE, because I haven’t known I’ve aspirated, or not coughed out all of the food or coffee out. Nearly drowning or suffocating
These BlackOuts are also very Dangerous.
Whilst I’m eating, I can Black Out – and I hae aspirated a litte and a lot of the food. I have aspirated on saliva because I also drool during the BlackOuts. I fall forward and bang my head on whatever is in front of me – which is usually the desk or my laptop, or I fall backwards and damage my already biggered spine, which happens so often I am constantly in a LOT of pain from bruising or bone bruises.
I’m losing Days, Weeks, Months... to this.
I mean…. Last Night ….
Barelty cominge round again…… Been In and Out of BlakOuts for Hours – haev to get to bed – was supposed to do stuff before gegtting into bed now……
I ATE AGAIN AND IT DID THIS AGAIN… WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???? — WHEN EVERYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE IS SCREAMING THAT EATING IS AS BAD AS I EVER THOUGHT IT EVER WAS???????!!!!??!?!?!!!!Journey Journal – 22 May 2024 @ 02:01am
22/5/24 – [now it’s the end of the day today — ] Haven’t eaten anything properly all day – and managed to stay conscious for pretty much Most Of It… Some Zoning Out, but no real BlackOuts, and ZERO MAJOR ANYTHING…. Just been eating snacks, and that seems to have allowed me to manage to at least be semi-Lucid and entirely conscious… Just goes to show.
Journey Journal – 22 May 2024
So much for telling myself for
THREE Decades that Eating Was GOOD…
Because Now It REALLY, REALLY ISN’T.
Done Lolli Meds tonight – 4 days’ worth this time, so a longer break from it all… which is really good. Meds Night always leaves me Wired for some reason.
Think I’m going to get a sammich or something out the fridge and then I can maybe at least go off for a bit… a couple of hours’ of BlackOut is at least SOME kind of rest….
It’s taken me a LONG time to put the pieces together to come to this realisation – FAR Too Long. It’s so obvious now, it’s painful.
But now I DO know…
What The Freaking HELL Do I DO About It…??
After spending 3/4 of my life talking myself Into Eating… It’s starting to look like I’m supposed to talk myself back Out Of It, again….
Between that and the Dysphagia… It’s starting to look like I had the right idea in the first place… Which seems catagorically BatCrap Crazy Train and then some.
The weather is Not Helping. The changing weather, changing temperatures, the RollerCoaster Isobars… All those cause PAIN. They are Draining. I can’t think or manage to do much, if anything at all.
This month — May — has been another month where there has been a MASSIVE ROLLERCOASTER of Temperature & Isobars… anywhrer from 997mb to 1029mb in Isobars, and Temperatures have been up to 20°C on the wather report, but has been over 30°C in the garden, here(!), yet also down to single figures with Isobars remaining high.
Isobars have also been jumping rapidly day to day, with huge hikes or drops over 24 hours, as well as going up and down like a yo-yo day-to-day.
Just feel so Tired & Drained.
