Evri. Little. Hel– GAH!!!!

Seriously... Evri / Hermes.... There is NO Point changing your name to escape the HORRIBLE reputation that your company (OH SO RIGHTFULLY!) Has... Only to KEEP DOING The BullCrap that Got You There In The Fist Place...?! It's SUCH a Simplistic Idea, isn't it? Delivery -- Taking it out of the van, putting it wherever you're supposed to, then leaving.

JUNE 2019 — Daily Mood Chart • Disturbingly Not Good… 😔

I use Dailyo diary and mood tracking app for this: https://www.daylio.net This just about says it all... 😞😖😢 When you are going through it, it's bad enough... But to see it like this... You really do get to see "in black and white" as it were... It was terrible to go through. It was a …

“You Don’t Know What Damage You’ve Done…”

There Should Be No Shame... But... There. Is.  So. Much. Shame. I can’t work. I can’t breathe. I cannot seem to stop it running around in my head. Depression, Panic, Hopelessness, Despair... All claiming me. Claiming my attention. I cannot relax. I can’t even take a deep breath — both literally and figuratively. This idea has burned up my brain. Shaking, Shaken, Shame, Horror, Sickened …

Alone Without Precedent

The more I am in this situation, the more it eludes and confounds me. It doesn't help that it thus far has no definitive name. What really doesn't help is the psychological aspect. I checked around the Internet... There seems to be really little on ASD/ Autism/ Asperger Syndrome with neurological or physical chronic illnesses. …

Keep Sane… Keep Going…

I would have expected that after more than two and a half years I might be used to this by now... the pain, the exhaustion, the enormously excessive fatigue, the lack of mobility, lack of focus, lack of concentration, lack of my usual ability to fixate obsessively... but I am not. I find that I …

Wonderland

Annie sang about "Tomorrow". Everyone talks about "Tomorrow". Everybody waits for "Tomorrow". It's "only a day away"... Right? But what if tomorrow never comes? And if you think is has, it's probably just an illusion. One that shatters really easily as soon as you let your guard down. When you're vulnerable to attack. I thought …

And Then There Was Two…

It's one thing to like having things done a certain way... it's another when you're almost completely reliant on someone else, or other people, to ensure that they still happen that way. Having an illness that strips away your ability to physically do things yourself after being always (physically) independent is incredibly... awful. Being unable to …

Lost

Fragmented… Scattered… Chaotic…   Hell.   It feels like the hard drive in my head has had its entire system wiped by a virus. Another nervous breakdown, another existence of knowing nothing. It’s like everything that was before is gone. I have no inclination anymore of how to be, how to live, how to do …