It’s Nearly 4:30pm… and only NOW do I feel like I’m even STARTING to feel like MAYBE I can manage to do something. Like, Get Out Of Bed. Try to Play a Game.
I wanted to get up by 12-to-1pm -ish to try and play the end bit of Mass Effect 1 [Legendary] for the First Time… but, well, that’s not happening, is it…?
Fibro Just Eats Your Whole Life Alive & Autie Brain isn’t managing to keep up whatsoever, at all… I’m tired, exhausted, frustrated, angry, terrified, sad-to-anguished… and other ones I don’t even know… about it all…
The Isobars have been KILLING ME — 988mb one day – down from 1005mb, 1007mb the next and it’s going up to 1023mb by tomorrow… And it’s been having a Devastating Effect On Me…
“Fibro Fog” has well and truly SET IN… Paraesthesia is through the roof. Fibro Pain is Astronomical. Muscles are almost frozen solid from spasms…
…This is probably the worst part, frozen inside a body that won’t, can’t move because its in spasm. Can’t do what you want to do, reliant on other people to do what you need and want to do…
I haven’t even been able to drink my coffee… !
It’s been a Week…
At 5am I was struggling with a wetted bed, wetted Tena Pants (on the outside), and soaked through dress… Because the Night Bag Came Out Of My Leg Bag. Making them also Stink… Yey…
Had to TRY to do what I could but I was already barely able to keep my eyes open, in PAIN & HAVING DIFFICULTY MOVING… and STRUGGLING to manage Anything, and I barely did any kind of job on it, especially since I also had to manage to Get Changed AND Find Something To Wear when I couldn’t really move In the bed, let alone get Out of it.
This morning I had to manage to TRY and COPE with a Bad SCARED… After 5 Meltdowns Yesterday because of SCARDES – starting from 7:30am and ending sometime in the late evening….(!!)
I also barely got any sleep.
So. Today I’m Even More Knackered Than usual.
It’s no wonder then, at the time of writing, there was ANOTHER “Accident” with the Catheter Bags. Same Deal. Lack of awareness cos I’m MEGA WRECKED… Shaking hands and inability to move properly, forgetting it’s on because… I’m WRECKED… ZOMBIFIED… COLD…
I had to get changed Again….(!!)… and with the 2 times I had to do it yesterday, that brings it to FOUR Changes in 24 hours?!!
My hands are shaking so much I actually can barely even write this, and editing it for typos etc is a NIGHTMAR, because FIXING it Also needs a Steady hand with the mouse!
I’m really… Just.. WRECKED…
18:13pm…
Still haven’t managed anything… At All… No game, no moving… Not much of anything…
STILL.
Least of all… No Games… Had 6pm pills now – then there’s dinner to worry (and I mean worry) about. And once that is done with… we’re back to it being the night-time again. And Yet Another Day WASTED To Fibro & PAIN…
It HURTS Me … Inside… Causes me Devastation and Anguish — Dragon of Disappointment comes to sear me with their Flames of Emotional Hell for Me…
