Being in constant pain is not much fun. And now it’s late at night, BlackBerry AccuWeather is reading 16 degrees celsius, and I have to have a hot gel pack on my spine because it hurts so much… It’s not the best feeling – it’s like being put in the oven as punishment for being in pain.
It’s worse because I feel like its self-inflicted. I was already in a lot of pain before embarking on several miles of long walk yesterday, which then inevitably inflamed and flared up what was already rather annoyed to begin with. The result has been that I’ve barely been able to move all day, and what movement there has been has inevitably lead my brain to react with silent screams and blinding explosions. Coping has been mainly taking painkillers, staying still, and taking out my frustrations on anything that gets in my way on my wanders around mythical world of Skyrim on my Xbox.
I’ve decided I definitely don’t like pain. Not that I like pain… It’s just that I’ve lived with quite a lot of it for most of my life, and I’ve only recently started to learn what it like living without it. So now I actually realise what it is to have to suffer it as a seperate entity to myself, and started to realise it’s not necessarily a built-in package to my existence. I also realise that I simply had to unquestioningly co-exist with it because resenting it is very annoying in and of itself, and takes up a lot of time.
I’m trying not to resent it now. It’s not going very well, though…